Saturday, 17 January 2015

~ Stand Up Comedian: Reality ~


As a human being, laughing is a way to relieve stress (really?). Somehow, when you feel bored or wanted to relinquish your sadness, laughing is the second choice. In fact, there’s a famous quote: ‘Laughing is the best medicine’ (Scientifically proven?)

Again, there’s lots of way to make oneself laughing.

Where Do A Comedian Get the Ideas From:

1. Personal experience

2. Humours and jokes

3. Humiliation

4.  Facts (I’m serious!)

5. Impromptu act/ Randomness

6. Satirical/ Sarcastic of something obvious


Here are some basic tips.
How to Be A Good Comedian.

1. You don’t have to be perfect.

2. No need of high-degree education. Just be yourself.

3. Using your own experience and knowledge

4. High-level jokes require high-level IQ and critical thinking.

5. Make the audience laughing (bursts with non-stop coughing due to over-laughing)

6. Know the current news and issues.


OK. Here is the real thing. Are you ready?

When we were in early ages of childhood, there is always a good comedian next to us. Yup, that’s right. It’s our mother (and father, too!). Remember when your father closed his face with both palms and opened up to make some stupid faces suddenly in front of us, and you laughed? Or when your mom tried to teach you new stuff but you failed- afterwards laughed after seeing her smile? That’s the moment when we first laughed.

When you have grown up, your teacher starts to give serious stuff. Homeworks, assignments and tasks. When a student failed to answer a question spontaneously when being asked by a teacher, everyone in the class started laughing. The student sat down, when red face of being humiliated by his/ her inability to say the right word. And then, it goes to psychological warfare. Rumours spread, and somehow, physical appearance of a student in the school can become a laughing stock. On how big, small, thin, skinny, fatty, ugly or creepy a person is. It can be a guy or a girl. Mostly negative comments. This may cause truancy, bullying and even fighting in the school. Guys, don’t ever say bad thing about a girl’s outward appearance. I mean it.

Then, you go through university. Study life, not so typical, but 99.9% of us agree that high school and university lifes are the best. Golden time. Fresh, innocent and young. Again, jokes tell no boundary. From facts to factual, everything is merely for fun and friendship. The cycle continues to working phase. This time, office workers laughed while sharing his/ her story. Gossips, hot news, if possible lies, are made, so that the workers are not overstressed while working. At the same time, talking good and bad stuff about other.

The best comedian in the job, would be these three people; nurses and doctors, teachers, and politicians.

Why? Let me explain each of them in detail:-

1. Nurses and Doctors:

Despite being the busiest person on Earth (well, they work during holidays, weekends and even on-call when possible), they still can make warm smiles and soothe the patients’ heart (I’m not talking about heart-related patient, mind you.) Even sweet, while working with young-aged patients, or those admitted in Intensive Care Unit, or even critical-level diagnosed patients, they will never stop making jokes. Jokes that make these people feel less pain, and forget about the after-effect medicine (Trust me, patients are human, and human do experience pain). Counsellors, or known as psychological nurses/ doctors are the most epic comedian. Why? Because they are best keeping secrets, as well as like to tease and making the tense atmosphere become fun. Yup, definitely they are professionally trained, to handle human which are known to have fragile emotions and heart. Tell me, who doesn’t feel better when you are terminally ill, and suddenly a nurse cheering you up and telling some light jokes? Or even make you thinking less of death and more about life?

2. Teacher

Let me tell you this: It’s not easy being a teacher. As a teacher, you need to handle a class full of 20-30 people named students, and each of them has their own personalities and background (stories). Not forgetting that some of them are motivated, others are normal, a small of rebellious and lazy ones. Of course, not wanting to make them suffer their school life, sometimes you need to take initiative to make no-so-academic remarks. This, somehow, will make the student aware that learning is not just by remembering formulae and understanding facts written in the books. It’s more to appreciate them in your life and try to use it for better purpose. Story-telling, or some personal experience, will do. Not all of them will laugh, but feel amused and entertained.  Here’s a hint: Go watch 3 Idiots. Not enough? Watch GTO.


3. Politicians.

Well, these people are very influential. Every sentence they have said is like a ‘godlike’ status. Sometimes, they have to act in front of unfamiliar faces of citizens, or workers from all around the country and the world. Evil smiling follows.  (Insert emoticon here)Well, the truth is these words they have spoken are actually a double-edged sword; to himself and to the audiences (Listen!). If it is good and acceptable, people will find it good. If it is bad, but somehow can be used for some reasons, people will find it acceptable. The best ones come from the West. Look, who creates so many unnecessary terms to the world. For example: #Double Standard and #Freedom of Speech, they said. But, it is just another biased observation. Tell me, why the big politicians who jailed and arrested ‘so-called freedom’ journalists in their countries, taking part in the big rally in Paris? Tell me, people. In fact, the darkest type of comedy, dark humour and dirty jokes, are actually comes from them.


Still, there are some exception to the tips above:-

1. Never jokes about a dead guy

2. Never make fun of someone present in front of us (for safety reason)

3. Never make joke of a religion

4. Never make dirty jokes about someone who didn’t exist in our timeline.

5. Never make someone dead due to over laughing

and the most important of all: 6. Never make joke of a holy person, or a holy book.

Again, let me say this straight: Everyone is actually capable of becoming a comedian. And the most powerful of them are the one who make people happy and laughed for pure motive, not just like other sarcastic words.

Well, that’s my cue.

Oh, by the way, there is reason why the title is ‘STAND UP COMEDIAN: REALITY

Remember ‘Tom Marvolo Riddle’ and ‘I Am Lord Voldermort’ in Harry Potter movies?

Well, the anagrams for the title is as shown:






(Illuminate confirmed??)

(Mindblown reaction. Flips table. Rainbow vomiting)

That’s the hint for my next article.

Thanks for reading!

- Ash End –
AGLC, M'cr

p/s: Don’t expect much. I still in exam mode, writing this in a public desktop in the library (hah, can’t track my source address!) while reading and writing for my next 3 exam papers next week. Wish me luck, and I wish you too (if you have one)!
p/p/s: The appendix and references are a page long. Not bother to list them all. Interested? Let me know by commenting below.

Thursday, 15 January 2015

~ CRE II ~

[ CRE II ]
"Mommy, why they don't stand for us?
Why my schoolmates get bombed, killed for no reason?
Why my lodged house destroyed in bits by fallen metallic arrows?...
Why we need to run away for our village?"
"Why those foreigners mark us; refugees,
even we are still in our country?"
That day, was the last time I saw her smile;
before a skyfall of missiles hit around us,
and one of them hit her in front of my eyes. 1
I'm seventeen now, in so-called modern city,
living alone, far from relatives,
tried to accomplish my dad's dream;
becomes a successful philosopher.
I can't forget that day,
like those in Peshawar, Nigeria, Iran,
Afgan, Pakistan, and my neighbour Libya,
it's repeating, now in Europe,
just next across the border.
Perhaps, I need to read more and discover more,
and listen, and read
and write what I've read.
So, the kids in future will know
'the Crimes of Reality by Earthians'
adds another one more
after Nature destruction,
that is - Double Standard.

1. Based on a true story for my hallmate.

- Ash End -

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

~ CRE I ~

[ CRE I ]
It takes few seconds to blow
the words of fallen silence
when so-called justice...
becomes another cover.
When a riot of peace-walking act
the minority become helpless
away from humanity, or even reality,
"Because it's to protect our homeland"- they said,
but how about the innocent bystanders,
a hundred, no, a five-digit value
of armless victims,
of another tragedy of war.
Blasphemy, hypocrisy and humanity;
where the public just know what's in the box,
but soon you realise that the Earth is no longer sphere,
that is my friend- you are too late.
Behold the new world order,
when the rich oppressed the poor,
warfare is no longer with guns and swords,
but with keyboards and pens,
and I shall call it:
'Crimes of the Reality, Earthians'.
-Ash End-
Kentucky FC

Sunday, 11 January 2015

~ Rural Discord ~

[ Rural Discord ]
I feel like sleepy,
gasping air- source of discrepancy
looking upon starry sky...
and wishing that one day;
writing in blank history
that we still have it- mercy
and faith towards humanity.
Brown woods, slacked roots
trying hard finding routes
blocking help, villains' crap;
when victims waiting in vain
and leaders shouting frames
of so-called name and gain,
but the people keep giving hand
trust me- they ain't rest from pain.
Black bullets, red pens
shadowing the right of justice
killing mans, crashing shops
like you own the whole places
know your limit- O jurnalists!
'Coz there is time when facts
are fashioned with your blunt lies
created from hatred and disguise
So, stop that act
have you forgotten the fact
that a brave officer sacrifices his life
to defend his right
and when a young girl sacrifices her faith
to have her K-night.
- Ash End -
AGLC, M'cr

Monday, 5 January 2015

~ Watery Ground ~

[ Watery Ground ]
The land is now full of brown
of hash and crash.
Nothing's remain, yet the people...
still smiling,
and the kids are still playing,
can't wait for a week, longing
for their wrecked school to be opened.
SOS like in a movie,
help is on its way
but still, some playing victims
and taking advantages of the broken hearts,
where humanity is put on test
between words, photos and brands
before unity and willingness.
"I will give help when needed" said the country's ruler,
but incomparable to The Ruler of universe,
when He said:
" I'll always help you in evens and odds,
as long as you remember Me."
This is the disaster
happened to the innocent humans
because of greediness in hands of humans
who put risk developments and money
before human right and safety.
Flood is not longer a friend,
but it's a sign that
one shall not mess with Nature.
May Allah protect us and those victims from ill manners,
and give us His blessing.
  - Ash End -
AGLC, M'cr